„Bella“ now it sounded more like a whisper „I could kill you “ his voice broke on the last word - something so unfamiliar for a vampire.
„Edward, look at me. I love you with all my soul. I trust you completely. You would never hurt me, I know that“. And I knew. He was my whole world, my universe. If Edward didn’t exist I wouldn’t either. And there he was, the mystic, strong and beautiful creature hovering over me, almost trembling. He had no trust in himself, but I knew he could do it. He could change me so we could be together till the end of time. Yes, my blood sang for him since the very first time we met, but after all these years when he never tried to hurt me, I believed him. That was the only way and he knew it too. But still, he couldn’t decide, because even the fact that I would happily greeted his teeth in my tender throat, his venom flowing deeper and deeper into my body, his doubts and nature were against causing me any pain. But…if it was just the pain I had to pay to be with him, to get everything I’ve ever lived for, how could I not?
I knew that the three days would be filled up with nothing but clear pain, so vivid and intense a human being can’t imagine, but even then, I waited for the moment to come, because after that I would finally be his equal. The strong, unbreakable and beautiful vampire. Our love was immeasurable even now, but after that… who knows? Maybe there isn’t word for what could be after that. Just pure feelings, indescribable, something what only vampires can feel. For all the times he had to be so gentle with me. After all, I was just a breakable little human, but even now every time he kissed me I could feel sparks flowing through my body like electric shocks. I just couldn’t wait to see what would be after that. The eternity couldn’t come soon enough.
„But if I stopped control myself just for one second, you…“ I put my finger on his beautiful lips to stop him. We’ve already been there. So many times he tried to convince me that my life was more important than anything, that I could stay human, and he would never stop loving me because once vampire fell in love, nothing can’t separate him from his mate. But I couldn’t bear getting older, while Edward was still seventeen, and then… die. I would, that’s for sure. And he what? Yes, he said he would go right after me, because he couldn’t live in a world where I don’t exist, but that was even worse to think of. And if I have to be completely honest, for me, one human life with Edward just wasn’t enough. I made up my mind a long time ago and now was the time.
„I cannot live without my life, I cannot live without my soul, remember? “ I was sure he could remember the words as fine as I could. Even the long time ago he didn’t need to open the book to say the lines from my very used Wuthering Heights correctly. Yes, Heatcliff was a monster but he got a point..
I could see his crooked smile appearing on his beautiful features and knew he could feel the same.
„You’re my trusting little angel, Bella. I can’t imagine how I survived these hundred years without you. You’ll be always in my heart.” he leaned in and pressed his cool lips to my warm forehead.
Bella had always stronger faith in me then I have in myself. She could not see it, but every second I was with her, I had to fight against that inner creature, who cried at me to sink my teeth in her tender flesh. But that was impossible. I would rather rip my own hands off then to hurt her. She was the most exquisite, trusting and kind little human I’ve ever met. I didn’t have to read her mind to know all her feelings and words were true. Her poor ability to lie was helping too, but just one look into her deep brown orbs and I could tell her love for me was beyond everything. I could never hurt her. No, that’s not correct. I would never even allow myself to think about wanting to hurt her. She‘s my light in the darkness. Before her I was blind and then she appeared and I could see the world again.
I didn’t want to argue with her now, but I was so worried. It was not like she thought; I really wanted to change her. I don’t know but at some point in the past I realized that it’s the only thing to do.
But…the smell of her blood. Even in the dim light of my room I could see the veins under the delicate flesh on her neck and almost even hear the blood pumping through them. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to fight the creature in me back. It was another case to shut him down when I was just with her, but totally different when I would bite her neck. I could only imagine how her blood would taste, the heavy aroma of freesia filling the air… No I can’t think about it. It would make it even worse. I knew that I would not be allowed to taste her blood; it would be too much temptation. I would just have to sink my teeth in her flesh and let the venom take control.. Even if it will have to be on several spots, where I would pierce her skin, I can do it. I have to do it. There’s no other option.
I looked straight into her loving eyes to reassure myself that this was what she really wanted, I would completely understand if she’d change her mind, but then I saw just the unbreakable thrust and will.
„I love you, Edward. I always will and nothing can possibly change that.“ she said that with so much passion that I was frozen in a place for a moment, unable to take my eyes off of her.
„Till the very end my love.“ and with that I lowered my lips to her tender throat. When my cool lips met her warm skin, I could feel electricity buzzing through my body. This kind of effect she had on me every time I touched her. I kissed her with all my love I had for her and then buried my sharp teeth into her neck.
The second I pierced her skin I realized my mistake. Of course she would squirm; she always did, no matter how small my touch was.
My teeth sunk deeper then I intended, and her sweet blood filled my mouth. I tried to find the urge to pull away and I knew that the only thing which could help me to beat that inner creature craving for her blood was to keep her face clean in my mind as long as I could. Every single moment we shared together was blowing through my brain at inhuman speed. Every sharp memory I had of her, every kiss, every touch. Us laying on our beautiful meadow deep in the forest, me humming her lullaby as she drifted to sleep, her dancing with me at that silly school party, her genuine smile when she found out something.
The blood flowed down my throat as her beating heart was sending it right through her cervical artery. That was it, the breaking point. I plunged deeper and took a long pull of her blood and felt it warm me from the inside. Bella’s heartbeat was erratic now, but she didn’t squirm anymore, nor did she make any other sound which I needed so desperately at this time. The images of her slowly faded from my mind, until all I could fathom was Bella and her deliciously enthralling blood…
I didn’t realize my eyes had closed until I opened them. And then the most exquisite brown eyes of an angel were staring at me with an expression of real fear. It was there only for a second but it was all it took to rip myself away from Bella’s body. And I knew that there was no way to ever hurt her again. She will be with me. Forever. And I will be there, apologizing for my lack of self-restraint, for the rest of eternity.